I am getting to a place where I can begin to write about the last couple of years of my life. However, it is a very long and rambling story – extremely painful at times and involves a lot of hysterical laughter. But until such time as I can create a coherent flow of words to take you down that long and winding path, I will just give you a little teaser…
My life has a soundtrack…doesn’t everyone’s? I mean sure we all have songs that resonate with us in those dark and lonely moments? Or the ones that sing with our souls when the world opens up and the stars align? We have unguarded moments where we find ourselves humming a little tune, only to recognize that it somehow relates to the events we are experiencing.
Then there is the one that repeats over and over and over and over – like the needle stuck in a groove skipping back and forth endlessly. (If you are too young to get that reference, try googling “record player”. It’s a fascinating subject – I promise.)
Being a college student of the mid 80’s it is not surprising that my musical preferences run along with the likes of Rush, Police, Queen, Dire Straits, and the Eurythmics. Not to mention bands like Toto and The Clash. So it is appropriate that the soundtrack to my life comes from one of my favorites – Oingo Boingo.
To quote the last line: “I don’t know if it’s right or wrong to laugh at misfortune. Darkness can never last too long… When you laugh in its face.”
I give you the most appropriate lyrics that I could have ever imagined would sum up my life: Oingo Boingo’s Only Makes Me Laugh.
“Only Makes Me Laugh”
Oingo Boingo
I don’t know why I feel this way
I don’t know if it’s right or wrong
To laugh at misfortune
Darkness can never last too long
Every time I think I’m falling
And there’s nobody around to hold me up
And it seems like the world has come to an end
I look for miles, but not a face is friendly
Then suddenly, a hole opens up in the ground
The bottom of the hole is a raging fire
I try to jump over, but there’s no way
The next thing I know, I’m going down
Does it hurt?
Oh, it really doesn’t matter
Does it burn?
Oh, no, I don’t feel a thing
Does it sting?
Oh, yeah, it really doesn’t matter
Does it hurt?
Oh, I don’t give a damn
When I find myself falling and I hit the bottom
It only makes me laugh
Only makes me laugh
When I go down the hole and I hit the bottom
The last time that I fell in love
The love was milk and honey
But the milk turned sour
The woman became a monster
And everyone I knew had become a stranger
Then the room went black and my luck was spent
The floor opened up—down I went
Does it hurt?
Oh, it really doesn’t matter
Does it burn?
Oh, no, I don’t feel a thing
Does it sting?
Oh, yeah, it really doesn’t matter
Does it hurt?
Oh, I don’t give a damn
When I find myself falling and I hit the bottom
It only makes me laugh
Only makes me laugh
When I go down the hole and I hit the bottom
It only makes me laugh
Coming right back
‘Cause you can’t keep me down
Can’t keep me down
Oh, in the ground
Does it hurt?
Oh, it really doesn’t matter
Does it burn?
Oh, I don’t feel a thing
I don’t mind just a little pain
Ooh, oh, yeah
Whoa….
Remembering when I was a young man
How everything seemed to turn against me
I didn’t know a soul—it was an alien place
The sun was covered by a dark cloud
And though I tried, I couldn’t find a way to escape
The only way to go: straight down
I don’t know why I feel this way
I don’t know if it’s right or wrong
To laugh at misfortune
Darkness can never last too long…
When you laugh in its face
Thank you boys – You keep me going.