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An inventory of the unique & obscure items in my husband’s pants (pockets)

I am constantly amazed at the unusual stuff that my husband seems to collect in his pockets. For any of you who know Mike, you have seen him dig through and come up with some of the most odd items. So yesterday, while looking for a receipt, I finally decided it was time to take a closer look.

And here is what I found: (drum roll please…..)

An Inventory of the Unique and Obscure Items from Mike’s Pants (pockets)

  1. One badly crumpled and torn pack of checks – sans checkbook cover.  Recently necessary as our visa card was stolen – again – and left us needing to use checks.  Have you tried to write a check lately? It’s like using Canadian money this side of the border.

  2. One set of keys with attached reward cards (most defunked), a well-worn and over-used bottle opener, and at least one key that seems to open nothing.

  3. One standard drum key on a shoe string lanyard. This item, of course, is a required carry for all drum instructors. Seriously, if you are a drummer, check now to confirm you also have this item. We’ll wait……. Go ahead and look….. Don’t have one? Then stop everything, go directly to the nearest band room or drum closet, and dig through the box of odd hardware. You will most likely find a dozen or so. Found one? Okay – we are ready to move on.

  4. One non-standard large ratchet style drum key with a very specific size socket.  This is in addition to the original, and somewhat famous, ratchet that Mike carried since 1985 or so. It was loaned out about 15 years later, returned after 6 months, lost again at a competition, found by someone, and finally returned the following year at WGI finals. It usually resides in one or other of the pockets but is currently on a hiatus. It is kind of like Dr. Who’s Screwdriver – useful in many circumstances and especially against Daleks.

  5. One Leatherman multi-tool, given as a gift by me, his loving wife, and used by said wife frequently. Nothing says love like a really sharp multipurpose tool.

  6. One tape measure – I guess to measure things with? I don’t think I will ask what he is measuring – maybe needing to settle a bet?   Moving on….

  7. Drum lugs and lug housings – no comment on this – he is a drummer after all.

  8. One set of (or is that two individual) finger cymbals. I should note that when I looked the next morning at the pile I had made of everything in Mike’s pants (pockets) the cymbals seem to have procreated overnight as there are now two sets of (or is it four individual) cymbals. How the hell does that happen?

  9. Two felt washers of different sizes – why not? You never know when they will come in handy – especially felt.

  10. One mini box cutter. Now, here we need to pause for a minute.  A – this is actually mine. B – why is this here when there already is a perfectly good Leatherman in the other pocket? In all fairness, the box cutter was in one pocket and the Leatherman in the other. So maybe that’s why – one cutter for each pocket.

  11. One overstuffed-beat-up-worn-and-tattered-full-of-expired-cards-and-one-ancient-college-id wallet. Mike’s wallet is a study in and of itself – and possibly a topic for another day.

  12. Two dollars and seventy-six cents in change which I removed and put in the camping fund jar.  That means we are two dollars and seventy-seven cents closer to getting to Nova Scotia next year.

  13. One round case of gooey, linty, breath mints – the humidity has not been kind to them – but they taste good anyway once you remove the lint.

  14. One worn and almost-empty tube of lip balm.

  15. One small hex wrench for the occasional guitar repair.  Being a drummer doesn’t mean you don’t occasionally have to fix a guitar… it’s just common sense.

  16. Eight crumpled paper towels that I can only assume are being used as tissues. Or maybe I can’t assume that. Maybe I’ll just move on from this bullet point without further comment – quickly.

  17. One Speak-On cable end being held together with red and blue electrical tape and I assume will be reunited with a cable at some point in its career.  When I asked Mike what this was, he was very specific that I mention it was a Speak-On cable.  Can anyone tell me why?

  18. One turbo lighter. I carry one of these also although neither of us smokes – you just never know when you need to burn something.  I did freak out my co-workers once with the phrase “No one panic.  I just going to light this on fire.”

  19. One roll of black electrical tape – of course.

  20. Misc nuts, bolts, pieces of string, pocket lint, and what looks like it might be a desiccated and shriveled old frog. Doesn’t everyone need a dried frog?

  21. No receipt (which is what sent me on the search in the first place).

And so ends An Inventory of the Unique and Obscure Items from Mike’s Pants (pockets).  In the 29 years that we have been together, I have encountered an endless number of items that all have the most interesting stories behind them. Some people mark their passage through this world with photo albums or scrap books.  They write in a journal or keep a blog.  Mike’s life is more about the tales that can be told through the items he carries. Here’s a fun game to play – ask him to reach into one of his pockets, pull something out, and tell you about it. There is always a tale about where it came from, how long he has had it, the importance it has to his daily tasks, and if nothing else, a creative use that you may not have ever considered.

Life is never boring when married to a man with An Inventory of the Unique and Obscure Items in His Pants (pockets).

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